Cheating sucks. But unfortunately it happens, time and time again.
Thanks to the unforgivably honest people of Reddit, we've managed
to capture a bit of insight into what actually makes people cheat.
Read, at your peril:
1. Negative past experience
"I have cheated a whole bunch. On just about
every single girlfriend
I have ever had throughout my entire life. It
branches out from an
insecurity that I may have developed in middle
school when I got
cheated on for the first time. I think I figured if
I am the first to cheat
"Later in life my reasoning changed/morphed to
a darker insecurity
about being accepted by women. "If girls
still wanted me then I was
doing something right." I have since grown up
and taken a lot of time to
work past the narcissistic nature of all of
this. I had to give up drinking
and cut party girls and the party scene out
of my life almost entirely.
But even after doing all of that and having a
reasonably functional
relationship for the past 2 years I can still hear
that dark voice
sometimes reasoning with me on why I should
try and fuck this girl."
2. Falling out of love
"I know somebody, and this is their situation: They are
unhappy, on so
many levels. He is selfish, she lacks confidence. They are a shit storm
of needing each other without wanting each other. They got pregnant
after
about a year of dating and now live together in his mom's basement.
So now the kid is starting school, she feels stuck and going nowhere,
and doesn't know where to go if she does leave him.
"She is lashing out because she controls
nothing. She is cheating because
there is almost nothing left for her. She can't go
anywhere because she
hasn't the money, or because various family members
are in situations
that don't allow for assistance right
now. It's honestly a whole sad twist of
events. She is so unhappy that the only thing she
can control, the only
thing that
makes her happy, is having sex with some other dude."
3. Distance
"I always said I would never cheat. I broke
that vow recently.
"My girlfriend or whatever we are now moved
across the country a few
months ago. Despite our phone conversations, I've
been pretty lonely.
In the meantime, a very close girl friend of mine has been
having troubles with
her bf. I've known her for years and we have always
had a connection but
both of us were always in other relationships so
we've remained close friends.
Several nights ago we both got drunk and had
(great) sex. I felt so guilty
about it the next day, though. I told my girlfriend
I wanted to break up,
but made up excuses as to why. We still talk but
the other girl is sticking
around and saying she wants to break up with her bf
for me. This ordeal
is giving me some serious mixed feelings."
4. Falling for someone else
"When I was in college I had a friend named
Lee. He was a nice
enough guy; not particularly attractive, but a hard
worker.
We ended up going to the same graduate school as
each other
and started dating. In hindsight, we dated because
we knew each other.
We were married 4 years later. Life was decent, and
when we were
both finished with school we moved. .
"When we moved, he changed. We used to do
things together, but he
started pawning me off on male friends of mine. If
I wanted to go to
a concert, he would ask me to see if one of my male
friends would go
with me so he wouldn't have to. He was constantly
trying to change me.
He was picking apart my appearance every day.
"Eventually I fell in love with one of the
guys that he was pawning
me off on, Bee. As soon as I realized that my
marriage was over and
that I was in love with another man I left the
master bedroom for the
guest bedroom. I told Bee how I felt. He let it
sink in a few days and
told me he felt the same way. We started dating
while I was separated
(by bedrooms, not legally), but my husband didn't
know. I had no
intention of staying married, but I was trying to
give him enough time
to process what was going on. So I became a
despicable cheater.
I still beat myself up over it 4 years later. I didn't
overlap sleeping
with anyone or anything physical, I was just still
legally married
and my husband was in the dark that the separation
was permanent.
"In the aftermath, I forged an amazing
relationship with Bee, and we
are still together. He's my soul mate, my perfect
half."
5. Lack of intimacy
"Well I haven't done it yet. I think I
probably would given the opportunity
though. Basically we've stopped having sex. We've
talked about it a lot and
there doesn't seem to be any resolution in sight.
It's pretty rough cause
nothing else is really wrong. I think if I asked
for an open relationship that
would just end it (she's rather conservative in
this regard). I think staying
with her is better for our child and honestly
there's nothing wrong other
than the sex so it's not like we're fighting in
front of the kid all the time
or anything. I'm hoping to think of a better
solution but reaching the
end of my
patience."
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